I can’t picture anyone daydreaming about me. I can’t picture someone thinking about me when they’re laying in bed before they fall asleep. I can’t picture anyone telling their friends about me. I can’t picture anyone getting butterflies because I hugged them, or even just because I made eye contact with them. I can’t picture someone smiling because my name lit up their phone. I just can’t.
(Source: honestliars)
I think I just spent an entire hour sitting outside in the rare, dead quite of the city just thinking about my life: where I’ve been, why I was there, where I will be…
I honestly feel ridiculously hopeless - again.
Its like going two steps forward and then 50 steps back.
I thought I was being cautious with everything, I thought I was doing good for myself and then everything just blows up in my face at once.
I’m lonely and I’m lost. I have nothing.
I have finally come to a halt where I just don’t know what to do anymore.
Its like being stuck in a hole that just keeps getting bigger and bigger.
Everyday I’m alone for hours at a time, my parents come home and argue with each other. If I’m upset, I get yelled at.
I can’t console in anyone but my ex.
I miss being kissed on my forehead, I miss being held.
I miss playing tennis. And I miss having my entire family together for holiday dinners.
People continue to say, “It gets better”. But it never has really gotten better.
For 18 years I’ve gone from being a quiet girl that used to be picked on for being “emo” and listening to rock music to a more beautiful, hateful girl.
I lost any bit of faith that I once held in God and religion and I barely see myself as being alive in 10 years.
My chosen career path, I have lost interest in.
I’ve made millions of mistakes that I wish I could take back.
I wish I still had my grandmothers around, as I feel things would be just a little bit better if I had at least remembered them and knew more about them.
I wish my only grandfather loved me more, and I wish I wasn’t an only-child.
I don’t do drugs, never have, but I feel like my options of maintaining the pain are becoming slowly limited.
I will never understand what it is that I’ve done to deal with all of the struggles I constantly face. I will never understand why I can’t love, or be happy.
![NY Mayor Bloomberg, along with the NYC DOE, are looking to close several overpopulated, struggling high schools due to low-performance. There is a lot more to these schools then meets the eye, as I know having graduated from Newtown High School in Elmhurst, Queens. PLEASE show these schools, staff members and especially students some support by reposting this and possibly helping out the cause by getting Mayor Bloomberg’s attention with a simple e-mail or phone call.
Mayor Michael R. BloombergCity HallNew York, NY 10007PHONE 311 (or 212-NEW-YORK outside NYC)FAX (212) 312-0700E-MAIL:http://www.nyc.gov/html/mail/html/mayor.html
The story: [The Daily News]… Students, staff and alumni at several Queens high schools have been demonstrating at their embattled institutions to ward off potential closings.
There have been rallies at William Cullen Bryant High School in Astoria, Grover Cleveland High School in Ridgewood, August Martin High School in Jamaica and other other schools in the past few weeks.
The city plans to announce by April 30 which of the seven borough schools identified by the state as persistently low-achievers it will recommend for closure.
The city also can recommend turning schools around by replacing the principal and half of the staff, making them into charter schools or transforming them by rewarding staff who boost student achievement.
But only half of the 54 city schools on the list can be transformed, city education officials said. Three borough schools have been designated for that coveted model, which makes schools eligible for $6 million in federal funds over three years.
“What I hope will happen is that the schools that worked hard to make positive change will be rewarded and not penalized,” said Monica Ayuso, a Queens representative on the Citywide Council on High Schools.
City Councilman Jimmy Van Bramer (D-Sunnyside), a Bryant alum, voiced his support of the school at its March 31 community pep rally in the school’s auditorium, attended by hundreds of students, staff and alumni.
“Bryant is a good school that’s already improving,” he said.
There was also a rally Sunday at Jamaica High School with the Cleftones, a famed doo-wop group made up of alumni.
City Department of Education officials said graduation rates, student credit accumulations and academic improvement will be taken into account before the agency makes its recommendations to the state. The state must approve those proposals.
“Whatever model the individual school community thinks is best will play an important role in our decision,” said city Education Department spokesman Jack Zarin-Rosenfeld. “But ultimately, our bottom line is which model will give each school the best chance of success.”
There was also a rally last week at LaSalle School at St. Gabriel’s, an East Elmhurst Catholic School. St. Gabriel’s, which was not on any city or state list, will close in June.
The school, overseen by the De La Salle Christian Brothers, simply can’t afford to remain open, said Brother Edward Shields, who serves as the school’s principal. Enrollment has declined, and operating costs have risen, he said.
“We’ve been struggling for a few years,” Shields said. “It’s been hard.”
Read more: http://www.nydailynews.com/new-york/queens/save-schools-rallies-aim-build-support-trouble-article-1.115081#ixzz1r3gXoouC](http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m1y2fozxdu1qk7m7mo1_400.jpg)
NY Mayor Bloomberg, along with the NYC DOE, are looking to close several overpopulated, struggling high schools due to low-performance. There is a lot more to these schools then meets the eye, as I know having graduated from Newtown High School in Elmhurst, Queens. PLEASE show these schools, staff members and especially students some support by reposting this and possibly helping out the cause by getting Mayor Bloomberg’s attention with a simple e-mail or phone call.
Mayor Michael R. Bloomberg
City Hall
New York, NY 10007
PHONE 311 (or 212-NEW-YORK outside NYC)
FAX (212) 312-0700
E-MAIL:
http://www.nyc.gov/html/mail/html/mayor.html
The story: [The Daily News]… Students, staff and alumni at several Queens high schools have been demonstrating at their embattled institutions to ward off potential closings.
There have been rallies at William Cullen Bryant High School in Astoria, Grover Cleveland High School in Ridgewood, August Martin High School in Jamaica and other other schools in the past few weeks.
The city plans to announce by April 30 which of the seven borough schools identified by the state as persistently low-achievers it will recommend for closure.
The city also can recommend turning schools around by replacing the principal and half of the staff, making them into charter schools or transforming them by rewarding staff who boost student achievement.
But only half of the 54 city schools on the list can be transformed, city education officials said. Three borough schools have been designated for that coveted model, which makes schools eligible for $6 million in federal funds over three years.
“What I hope will happen is that the schools that worked hard to make positive change will be rewarded and not penalized,” said Monica Ayuso, a Queens representative on the Citywide Council on High Schools.
City Councilman Jimmy Van Bramer (D-Sunnyside), a Bryant alum, voiced his support of the school at its March 31 community pep rally in the school’s auditorium, attended by hundreds of students, staff and alumni.
“Bryant is a good school that’s already improving,” he said.
There was also a rally Sunday at Jamaica High School with the Cleftones, a famed doo-wop group made up of alumni.
City Department of Education officials said graduation rates, student credit accumulations and academic improvement will be taken into account before the agency makes its recommendations to the state. The state must approve those proposals.
“Whatever model the individual school community thinks is best will play an important role in our decision,” said city Education Department spokesman Jack Zarin-Rosenfeld. “But ultimately, our bottom line is which model will give each school the best chance of success.”
There was also a rally last week at LaSalle School at St. Gabriel’s, an East Elmhurst Catholic School. St. Gabriel’s, which was not on any city or state list, will close in June.
The school, overseen by the De La Salle Christian Brothers, simply can’t afford to remain open, said Brother Edward Shields, who serves as the school’s principal. Enrollment has declined, and operating costs have risen, he said.
“We’ve been struggling for a few years,” Shields said. “It’s been hard.”
Read more: http://www.nydailynews.com/new-york/queens/save-schools-rallies-aim-build-support-trouble-article-1.115081#ixzz1r3gXoouC
Memories are not recycled like atoms and particles in quantum physics — they can be lost forever.
